Saturday, May 20, 2017

Speed breaker Dive Biryani

Published in Deccan Herald on  20 May 20 2017

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/612560/speed-breaker-dive-biryani.html
Speed breaker Dive Biryani
Brig A N Suryanarayanan

My friend, Colonel M, a humorous paratrooper, recently underwent surgery for his back, which has only exacerbated his problem. Despite that, he narrated two hilarious incidents about himself: BS (Before Surgery) and AS (After Surgery).

I would have liked to use his humorous words, but the fear of rejection for number of words forces me to use my own. This is the BS, named by him as above.

A foodie, like Bumstead in Blondie comics, driving by a newly opened restaurant on a Saturday, he enquired if biryani would be available the next day, it being ‘no-cooking-at-home’ day. An affirmative reply gave him a sleep full of dreams with an inviting and aromatic hot biryani and accompaniments. An hour before lunchtime, he left on his errand by car.

When he did not return even after an hour, concern, worry, and near-panic, in that order, hit the Lady of the House (LoH). When he did come belated, all those feelings changed to shock, utter disbelief and horror, in that order, for the LoH at his ghastly sight. Bloodied from nose downwards, still dripping blood and in a red-stained shirt and pant, he entered and calmly said like a good paratrooper: ‘Hi. The biryani is safe. Let’s eat first; I’m OK.

Now, let us rewind. After buying the items, neatly wrapped and tightly guarded in his left hand, he was cautiously crossing the road to his car. Though there was heavy traffic both ways, a speed-breaker to his immediate left gave him confidence. One half crossed, he observed an auto-rickshaw approaching threateningly! Typical Bengaluru scene, you say? Assuming it had to slow down at the speed-breaker, he moved ahead.

Everything then happened in a blur: auto-rickshaw didn’t slow down but zoomed ahead, bumping into the paratrooper. Used to such unexpected situations, he reacted instantly with a swimmer’s dive, landing nose first on the speed-breaker, flat on the road. But, the goodies in his hand were held up, not once touching the ground. That was the one-handed speed breaker dive! It soon turned into a typical Indian spectacle with a huge crowd gathering to watch but none to note the auto’s number.

Though bleeding profusely, he wanted to get home with the packets still held aloft and intact in his left hand. ‘How can you delay and eat a cold biryani?’ A passerby who recognised him from the previous evening, drove him home. When he reached, shock, sympathy, and clean-up followed and then they gobbled up the Speed breaker Dive Biryani.

The Biryani eaten, mandatory tetanus, clean up, X-ray and Band-aid (hairline nose fracture, no stitches) and bandage on the face followed. Net result, he became unrecognisable to his own grandson who ran to his mom in sheer fright at the sight of Dadaji! To avoid painfully answering the very first question, ‘What happened to your face,’ M mailed to close friends the gory details, giving me this story!









                                                                       

32 comments:

Prabir said...

Sir, the biriyani made the difference. Most paratroopers land well. Even without the p'chute. That he ate the biriyani first proves his aim kept him going. Well done, I say, Col M. Wonder if I may know him...

Girish said...

Enjoyed it as always ..

satinder sangha said...

Excellent as usual Sir!

vimcrab9 said...

Of course Suri Chitappa, biryani's safety is always paramount!! Enjoyed reading this :-)

deekay said...

Selection and maintenance of Aim-and Bash on regardless.DK

mightyseven said...

Economic with words, while keeping the humour in tact- as usual. Good one well told , Brigadier!.
Bala

kuldip said...

Surya, I didn't know your friends are as crazy as you always were. A wonderful incident wonderfully​ narrated. Kuldip

Colonel Gowardhan said...

Sir, Good narration about clear headed Fauji. The aim was very clear to have biryani and same achieved, rest of the actions followed. As interesting as your other articles.

Swarajinder Singh said...

What an effort to save the Biryani.Very well narrated sir in your unique style.

Col Swarajinder Singh

R K Deb said...

Sir, as always very well elucidated which made an interesting reading.
This reminds me of IMA days when our WT / DRILL instrs would insist and drill into us that come what may, "GC hatiyar nahin chodna". I salute Col M's ustad for such solid trg which lasts for a life time.

Reji Koduvath said...

That was a 'bloody' funny Biryani. Got to be eaten warm and fresh. A fabulous narration as usual from a gifted writer.

SURYA said...

Thank you Prabur. Grareful. It us Col FD Mistry of 16 NDA/25IMA. Lives here. Wonder if you would have met.

SURYA said...

Thank you Girishmon . Had replied ur mail also!

SURYA said...

Thank you Satinder.

SURYA said...

Cho chweet Vidu Mashi. Settled in VN? MoH joined?

SURYA said...

That one is BTB, Kuldip.but a single person is always crazier than the happily married ones! he is your batchmate, Col F D Mistry

SURYA said...

Thank you Rahul. You always use kind words for me due to our Asst of 40 years!

SURYA said...

Thank you Swaraj

SURYA said...

Good one Jangali. Thank you

SURYA said...

Thank you Koduvath Reji. You are no less...carching up bloody fast😃

Pooran Uppal said...

A simple everyday event skilfully retold and presented in a humorous vein! Made it an enjoyable 'read'- much like everything from Surya's pen....

SURYA said...

I had posted a comment imdt but find it missing
Typical Guardsman, what?
First lesson in principles of war!
Thank you Balochi

SURYA said...

Thank you for your economic words too😅

SURYA said...

Jangali. In your case too I hadvposted a comment imdt. Butvitvis missing.
Thank you

SURYA said...

Pooran my Sangro mate. Aren't youbalwats kind?
Thank you

SURYA said...

Sorry Pooran
Hazards if smartfone auto correct.
"Aren't you always kind"?

Buku said...

An excellent article with a twist of humour. Sir Thanks a lot for the nice writing.

**Rahul** said...

You always make me LOL Surya Uncle, Excellent writing as always :)

Maitreya Jagalur said...

Always get your priorities right! Good one, but for the Schadenfreude. But such is life, isn't it?

SURYA said...

Thank you, Buku, Sweet of you. But I am unable to indentify you!
Surya

SURYA said...

Hi Dahul, And that is NOT auto correct! Very kind of you to say such words of praise!

SURYA said...

Thank you, Maitreya. NOT schadenfreude for me... the story was narrated by him to be abridged and sent!